MONMOUTH, Ore. – Everything was setting up to be a trip to remember. Derek Holdsworth, the national leader in the 800-meter and key component of the men's distance medley relay, were set to make noise at the NCAA Division II Indoor National Championships in Birmingham the week of Mar. 13-14.
The only problem was, the event was over before it really ever started. The team left Wednesday the week of the championships and arrived in Birmingham. Everything seemed to be good until notices began to come down that the banquet and other events were starting to get postponed. With other events around the country starting to also postpone due to Covid-19, there was worry with Holdsworth and the team that they might not get the chance to compete.
"The boys and I were ready to go, we had a great drive up to Portland, no issues in the airport at all which is always nice. Once we arrived to our plane and were about to take off, news from the NCAA came that March Madness was going to be contested without fans. This really worried us because we didn't know if this was going to happen to us. Once we landed it was confirmed that there would be no spectators at the Division I meet. I remember saying whatever happens to them is going to happen to us, it's only fair and it's basically the same governing body. We had a connecting flight in Dallas to Birmingham and it went well as the first flight, we passed the time with some jokes and small talk with Coach Johnson which is always fun. We even talked about the Harvard athletes that were scratched from the D1 meet, which was an ominous sign. Once it was time to hop on the plane, it seemed like all we could do was check our phones for updates about what could happen to our championship. We arrived in Alabama, got to the hotel and went for a run. When we went on the run we were appreciating the fact that we had made it to the meet, we talked about how nice it was out on the run, just everything seemed perfect other than our impending doom," Holdsworth recalled of the trip to nationals that week.
After arriving and trying to keep a semblance of reality in all the chaos that was surrounding the nation, Holdsworth and the team continued to practice, getting in reps for the possible chance to compete the next day on Friday. In the meantime, Holdsworth was looking forward to seeing some family surprise him from Florida. He also noticed how the team continued to take shape during DMR practices and how they looked primed to really push for a top finish during the finals.
"The next day was pretty interesting, I believe that morning Coach Johnson said that there will be no banquet for the athletes which was bad sign number two for us. This worried us, but it seemed like the meet was going to be held, even without our fans who traveled to be there for us. My cousin and sister that I had never met were driving up from Florida to surprise me but had to cancel due to that switch. The next event is the one that really showed we were ready. Our pre-meet was the best we have ever had as a group. I remember doing hand offs and giving one to Gabe Arce-Torres, I watched him take off and could only imagine him giving the baton to Max Carmona with a big lead. It was something I didn't really think about it the other races, maybe it's because I was always nervous to anchor and I knew Justin Crosswhite was a more reliable anchor than myself. I was so confident we could get the job done. All the teams looked interested in what we were doing and I knew this was a sign of the targets on our backs," Holdsworth recalled.
Throughout the day, it was pretty much a limbo situation. Holdsworth made the most of his time having a chance to visit with West Texas A&M's head coach about one of his former teammates from his previous school at Trinidad State Junior College in Colorado. During his conversation, the moment came that maybe all of them feared might eventually become reality. A decision was coming down at 4 p.m. local time and it was 3:50, leaving everyone scrambling to check phones and see what might happen.
"I had been talking to the coach over at West Texas A&M, (Jake Krolic, Olympic marathon trials qualifier) about my old teammate from Trinidad State JC. We joked about races and he said something that stuck with me. Jake said, I hope we get to see some races this weekend. I questioned him about it and he said the NCAA will have a decision made at 4 p.m. of if the meet will even happen. I told the boys this and it was all chaos from there. It was around 3:50 when we were done and leaving the track. Everyone's on their phones, scrambling for news and we found that conferences were pulling out left and right out of the Division I meet. We figured we were next, but didn't want to believe it though. The next moment was the worst of the trip so far, around 4:18ish Justin saw on twitter that the meet was canceled. I can remember him saying it word for word. The next couple of moments were filled with silence and more tears than some of us would like to say. It was really hard for me to look around in the van and see the disappointment on everyone's faces, the hardest two to look at were Coach Johnson and Justin. The feeling of disappointment wasn't something that was new to me," Holdsworth said.
Hoping this trip would be different, a chance to really shine on the big stage and make a mark, was set in motion long before that faithful trip to Birmingham. At the top of his game, literally, Holdsworth had to take a step back from realizing that the NCAA's were no longer happening, which brought back a sense of other tough times he had experienced in his life.
"Growing up, I lived with my Grandmother, she worked plenty to keep us afloat. My parents were not present consistently in my life, but were key players in my development. With my Grandmother often working weekends at the hospital, my mom would be my babysitter. I used to look forward to this all the time, as I would get to see my mom and my little brother, they would stay the weekend with us. Sometimes when my Grandmother had the weekend off, my mom would still be asked to come by just to be around or I would beg to see them. I would just miss my mom like any other kid. There were a handful of times I can remember being told a time they would get there. I'd be watching the window for that long hour it took them to go from Newport News to Williamsburg in Virginia. Twenty minutes would go by, still not there. I'd call them on the home phone having that phone number memorized, and get an excuse of how they can't come this weekend or something else. It really hurt, and this was something that would happen often, promises of new games or new shoes on birthdays, they just never happened. This primed me for the disappointment I was going to face that weekend the NCAA's were canceled," he said.
Then came the time to reflect as teammates and athletes. The time to try and rationalize what just happened and enjoy the moments that happened in a season that certainly had many to remember. But, sometimes the best moments during a tough trip can be settled in the simplest of moments and that was a trip to a local restaurant that helped take the minds off of what had just happened.
"After getting out of the van we all took a moment and pretty much thanked each other for being great teammates. We talked about how we would have gone out there and gotten our trophies. It was a tight bonding moment I don't think I'll ever forget. The next few hours we got better and joked a good amount, we even went to Cookout (a fast food chain back east 10/10 recommend). Seeing Coach Johnson go off about how good the milkshake he got was really funny, but the laughs and the fun we had there was even better. The team decided that we should go for a run since we weren't going to race, although I did purpose we race the teams who wanted to race us in the DMR that night at some random track. That didn't happen, instead we went on the most interesting forty minute run I have ever been on. I felt like we were fueled with the frustration, but we were really just enjoying the weather and how beautiful it was out. The team got back late from the run and showered up then started packing, we were leaving the next day," Holdsworth said.
While the trip overall could've been tough to take and understand, having the next day arrive really set everything in. This was going to be the day Holdsworth was set to compete in the 800 preliminaries and later, the DMR. It was a familiar feeling of past disappointments, but this one was different. Almost as if he had participated in the race and it just didn't turn out the way as planned.
"The next following days were frustrating and the hardest for me to deal with. Getting to the airport I was thinking about how we would have been heading to the meet for my 800 prelim. I felt like with the anger and disappointment I had in my heart that it felt like I had actually raced. Once time crept closer to the DMR gun time I really became frustrated. I felt let down, I felt worse than I did as a child not seeing his mom and brother. It was like childhood Derek had gotten his hopes up again just for them to be shattered. I tried my best to stay off my phone because I didn't want to see the other teams posting about how they would have won the relay. Instead I just got food and took my mind off things. None of this felt real, still doesn't," he said.
If that moment in time didn't feel really, the next few days and weeks certainly wouldn't as well. Not only were the indoor championships scrapped, but there was still hope on the flight back that maybe there would be an outdoor season. That all went away which set into reality that no more practices and being around the team would be gone. Literally all within a few plane trips and in a weekend to Birmingham.
"Coming home was when I realized this wouldn't be solved very quick. The outdoor season was canceled, which means we couldn't meet for practice anymore. It's terrible to think the ones I built a bond with, the ones who helped me get through that awful time, couldn't even meet for practice without repercussions from above. There really isn't anything to look forward to anymore, except Covid-19 being eradicated. This will be a critical development moment in our lives and we need to be smart about how we handle things," Holdsworth said.
While the present was still stinging, Holdsworth still had the hopes and certainly the potential of looking forward to trying out for the Olympics later this year. That is also on hold until next year, but even with all of this going on, one of the fastest athletes around won't be stopped by roadblocks outside of his control moving forward. This will just be another story to tell when he reaches the final plateau of a career that is just beginning.
"With no races in sight and the Olympics being postponed, I will still find a way to achieve my goals. I won't let this stop the momentum I have. Finally, I hope this is the last time I lose a race before I get on the starting line," he said.
